Energy Quest: Hyphy

“Energy drink” used to mean “coffee.” Now it’s a euphemism for “high-caffeine soft drink brimming with various types of sugars, weird ingredients like taurine and guarana, and occasionally, a few useful vitamins.” Every so often, Dan (the Connoisseur) and Corey (the Junkie) will hold an informal, simultaneous taste-test in their search for the perfect power beverage — it’s their Energy Quest. It’s not scientific, but it is honest. And it might be extreeeeeeeeeeme./p>

Hyphy
10-ounce can
http://hyphyjuice.com

Dan “The Connoisseur” Amrich

Describe the flavor: Delicious, and a great change of pace from the medicinal and oversweet drinks next to it in the cooler. The grape/apple hybrid flavor comes off as sweet and light, with grape a little more present than apple — but you can taste both.

“The Jitters”: Didn’t hit me that hard. It’s just a 10-ounce can.

Focus & alertness: Better than without. Not too tweaky. I felt it a boost, but not a huge one — more about sustaining the alertness that I already had, rather than waking me up from fatigue.

Comments from the peanut gallery: None, other than smiling at the name. (Local pride and all that.)

Stank breath: I didn’t notice any. Maybe my breath is always bad and I don’t realize it. I should breathe on Corey.

Packaging sex appeal: The silver and green can did jump out at me at 7-11. The logo’s so big, it’s almost hard to read the entire thing. The stylized “Grapple” in the ’70s font is a tricky read, too.

How hard did you crash?: Didn’t, thanks again to sustained energy rather than spikes of it.

Other comments: I found this really refreshing — a good summer energy drink. Reminded me of Bawls in its light carbonation and ability to keep me going without spiking or tweaking, and also shared a light fruit taste. I find this only in 7-11, but if I saw it more often, I’d definitely reach for it more often.

The Verdict:  8.5 (out of 10) 

Corey “The Junkie” Cohen

Describe the flavor: Apple-icious. Grape-tacular. A rollicking mix of grape and apple flavors, with a sweet, corn-syrupy taste that’s a thousand times better than it has any right to be. I really like it — and I usually don’t dig the corn-syrupy energy drinks.

“The Jitters”: All good in the shakes-and-quakes department. No tweaks, no spazzery.

Focus & alertness: Hyphy definitely revved me up, but in the gentle Bawls-ish way, where you feel about as sparked as you’d be after a cup of coffee. If you’re looking for an overpowering, all-night buzz, look elsewhere.

Comments from the peanut gallery: Gary and Fran dug the concept, and requested a full report post-swig.

Stank breath: Nope! I’m exhaling apple, and that’s about it.

Packaging sex appeal: Can a can be fugly and pretty at the same time? The grey-and-green colors really grab my eye, but — and not to sound like a snobby reality-show judge here, but seriously —the “HYPHY” and “grapple” labels on the front are way too competitive: it’s so much to process, I just look away instead. Simpler would be way better; see Rockstar.

How hard did you crash?: No crash; my boost just gradually subsided, and I felt perfectly fine afterward.

Other comments: With its low-budget container and irradiated-green sheen, I didn't expect much from Hyphy, so I was pleasantly suprised by how genuinely good it is. This stuff has a really unique, fruity, satisfying taste, and its modest buzz makes it perfect for a mid-day (or early-evening) power-up, with zero jitters. I’ll be drinking it again, definitely.

The Verdict:  8.5 (out of 10)