Energy Quest: Burn

“Energy drink” used to mean “coffee.” Now it’s a euphemism for “high-caffeine soft drink brimming with various types of sugars, weird ingredients like taurine and guarana, and occasionally, a few useful vitamins.” Every so often, Dan (the Connoisseur) and Corey (the Junkie) will hold an informal, simultaneous taste-test in their search for the perfect power beverage — it’s their Energy Quest. It’s not scientific, but it is honest. And it might be extreeeeeeeeeeme.

Burn
16-ounce can
http://www.sourcedrinks.com

Corey “The Junkie” Cohen

Describe the flavor: Really good! With a name like “Burn,” I expected something hotsauce-y or uber-tart. Instead, I got pineapple — sweet, refreshing pineapple, minus the sourness in real pineapple juice. Very tasty.

Irritability (stomach): Not at all.

Irritability (personality): Nope.

“The Jitters”: The hands aren’t shaking, but the brain is aching…a little.  At 12 milligrams of caffeine per ounce (compared to the roughly 9mg/ounce in Red Bull/Rockstar/Full Throttle), Burn is just a bit too caffeinated for my tastes. It’s not quite NOS-level (15mg/ounce), but then again, NOS offers an 11-ounce bottle, while this can of Burn is a 16-ouncer. So after I chugged the can, Burn’s 199mg of caffeine gave me a small headache that, thankfully, went away a short time later.

Focus & alertness: Holy crap, yes. All that caffeine and real sugar (not corn syrup) left me wired and super-alert for hours.

Negative impact on co-workers: None. They were probably too focused on Dan, who was a whirlwind of human activity after drinking a Burn.

Stank breath: Mild, no big.

Packaging sex appeal: Nice! That bold red logo over a yellow-and-orange background says Fruit-a-licious Power! — and that’s exactly what you’re getting.

How hard did you crash?: When the buzz started to wear off — hours later — I felt weirdly wired-tired, the way you feel when you drink vodka–Red Bull or Red Hook Double Black Stout beer (the now-discontinued Red Hook that contained Starbucks coffee).

Other comments: I really enjoyed this drink for its taste and its punch, although I do think that, like NOS, it’s too caffeinated for anyone but regular e-drink guzzlers (or someone who simply must stay awake). My suggestion? Split a can with a friend during your next same-room co-op game.

The Verdict:  8.5 (out of 10)

Dan “The Connoisseur” Amrich

Describe the flavor: Wonderfully citrus. Strong orange/pineapple blend, but not over-sweet — and with the very light carbonation, it’s a little like an energy Orangina. Really nice citrus flavor without kicking me in the taste buds.

Irritability (stomach): None. Felt good, actually.

Irritability (personality): None. Made me happy, if anything.

“The Jitters”: Nothing that extreme.

Focus & alertness: POW! One of the strongest kicks I’ve gotten, and in a good way. I really felt perked up.

Negative impact on co-workers: I talked fast. I do that anyway, but I talked even faster.

Stank breath: Nope.

Packaging sex appeal: The beverage is bright yellow. The can is bright yellow. The logo is bold and curvy and fun. It doesn’t take itself too seriously.

How hard did you crash?: I didn’t.

Other comments: I think you have to award this win to the ingredients. Real sugar, lots of B-vitamins, and more caffeine than the competition — plus Endurlac, which is also known as the tongue-twisting glucuronolactone, which is something your liver already makes when it breaks down sugars. Does it make a difference? Maybe — I sure felt more of a kick than usual, but not so much kick that it was unsettling. Science FTW — I loved this one.

The Verdict:  9.0 (out of 10)