Destroy All Humans!
Path of the Furon

Within the first five minutes of playing the third Destroy All Humans!, it’s clear that something’s gone terribly wrong. The most obvious problem is the laughably poor presentation. Explosions feature decent fiery plumes, and Crypto’s weapons and spaceship spray some appealing special effects, but everything else falls somewhere between merely unattractive and downright hideous. Hopelessly generic structures line most streets, with only the occasional spoof landmark to add interest, and every city is infested with the ugliest character models this side of the 21st century.

At least Crypto, the bug-eyed alien with the jetpack and the gravelly Jack Nicholson voice, has access to lots of upgradable weapons and special abilities. Torture those hairless apes with heat-seeking anal probes, turn bystanders into meat-puppet disguises, or abduct humans and lay their office buildings to waste. You can even stop time and psychokinetically set objects on trouble-making trajectories, then watch the often-wonky physics go screwy. As you soak up souls and meditate on your mental progress, you’ll earn new goodies in fits and starts.

Unfortunately, your ever-expanding arsenal can only distract you for so long from the repetitive tedium of smacking around another band of ugly and guileless goons, toppling yet more nondescript buildings, or grinding through poorly balanced boss battles. The premise of a sarcastic alien invader in 1970s Earth offers fertile ground for imaginative mission design, but you’d never know it from this dull crop of errands. You can rampage at random, but it’s just not all that satisfying to decimate such laughably crude targets.

Steadfast alien worshippers might’ve forgiven a lot if Path of the Furon featured the same quality of off-color comedy that used to define the series. Crypto once overflowed with clever one-liners and film references, persistent mind-reading yielded unexpected silliness, and the sex-obsessed Arkvoodle could please a crowd. Here, you’ll find little beyond groaners, pedestrian prattle, and underdeveloped monotony. Find another path to walk.