King of Diamonds

THE WAX MUSEUM

Still somewhat optimistic about the powers I wielded with the Diamond Card, I approached two friendly and upbeat young women at the cash registers in front of the Wax Museum down the street. “How many?” asked the one at the first register.

“Just one,” I replied, “but one with this.” I made a dramatic gesture while placing the Xbox Live Diamond Card on the counter.

She picked it up, flipped it over, and eyed it with curiosity. “What’s this?”

“It’s the Xbox Live Diamond Card.”

“It looks cool.”

“I’m supposed to get a discount if I use this card.”

“Here?”

“Here.”

“Is it a credit card?”

“No. It’s a membership card.”

“Oh.”

Her counter buddy took a crack at it. She confirmed that it looked cool, and peered at me through the orange plastic window in the center. It was inexplicably touching.

“Jennifer,” it turned out, had an Xbox 360 and frequently played Rock Band on Xbox Live, and she still hadn’t heard about the card.

“So,” I challenged her, “how are you going to find out what my discount is supposed to be?”

“You’re supposed to tell me!” she said, throwing her hands up playfully and smiling.

CARL'S JUNIOR

Feeling a bit discouraged at this point, we broke for lunch at Carl‘s Jr., where my pre-printed two-for-one coupon was eyed with suspicion for a moment, and then accepted. Though this represented a technical victory, I was nonetheless crushed — I had hoped that she would at least have asked to see my card to validate the discount. Panicked, I thrust the card at her.

“Ever see this before?” I asked.

She looked over her left and right shoulders, as if she sensed trouble and was checking for backup. “No,” she replied as she handed me my receipt and muttered a quick thank-you.

EQUINOX FITNESS CLUB

Our next stop — appropriately enough — was the tony Equinox Fitness Club in San Francisco’s ritzy Financial District. I told Sandy at the front counter that I was very interested in finding out exactly what kind of membership discount I could get if I used my Xbox Live Diamond Card.

“Sorry, I don’t know what that is,” she told me, after briefly glancing at the sliver of plastic. I noticed that she didn’t ask; I figured she probably did not want to know.

“You’ve never seen this card?” I held it closer to her.

Sandy flinched. “No, never heard of it.”

My companion had been taking pictures of my encounter with Sandy when a lanky gentleman — apparently spring-loaded — shot out of his office in the back.

“You guys can’t take pictures here,” he told us. Sandy took the card from my hand and showed it to him; he claimed that he’d never heard of the card, either.

I explained the Xbox Live Diamond Card to our assailant. I told him about the website and the offer of “special membership pricing.” He smiled politely and said firmly, “Sir, I’m a membership advisor, and I know what we take and what we don’t take. And we don’t take that card.”

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