The Scoreboard #14

Around these parts, we know a thing or two about Achievements. Because of our insanely deep knowledge of the unlockable badges, we’ve appointed ourselves the de facto Gamerscore gurus of the entire world. That’s why we’re allowed to review games a little differently.

We’ve got the kickin’-est (and only-est) Achievement reviews available here on The Scoreboard, so if you’re a fiend for the Gamerscore, you’ve come to the right place. You’ve got friends here, and they want to tip you off about the latest Achievements, so you’ll get the maximum amount of good-times and Gamerscore for the least amount of effort. We’re more “awesome” than “in-depth”, ensuring you actually have fun reading our bitchin’ write-ups every other week before using them to decide which Achieve-o-discs are worth your scratch.

This week’s edition will see Achievement-y reviews of Guitar Hero: Aerosmith, Unreal Tournament III, Schizoid, and the guest-authored Deadliest Catch: Alaskan Storm. There isn’t anything noteworthy otherwise, but you’re going to be shocked – shocked! – at how great (or sucky) some of the Achievements pan out.

Guitar Hero: Aerosmith

Best Achievement: Walk This Way (10 pts.) You purchased DMC from The Vault – He’s the King or Rock, there is none higher, sucka MCs should call him sire. He’s DMC – devastating mic control! – and he is, without a doubt, the greatest character unlock in any music game ever. God, Grim, and Satan from GH3 be damned, DMC rocks and rolls passed the competition. How do you beat that hat, gold chains, and general all-around cool-ness? You don’t. By virtue of his presence alone, we award the “Best Achievement” to the man.

Worst Achievement: Get Your Wings (10 pts.) You completed the Tutorial – OXM Senior Editor Dan Amrich compared the Aerosmith tutorial – and, presumably, Guitar Hero 3’s, as it is identical – to “pulling teeth” in a message we received while listening to a Zeus impersonator trumpet about how awesome guitars are. Never has a more apt description been applied to anything, as the arduous tedium of learning to hold down the green button is expectedly dull after Guitar Hero-ing for three years. Does anyone not play these rhythm games? Who’s left to teach?!

Easiest Achievement: Draw the Line (5 pts.) You turned down an encore – When prompted with an encore (you get one on every tier), shut down the fans you’ve worked so hard to earn with a big ol’ middle finger. Promptly flip the proverbial bird by declining and heading back to the set list. Achievement unlocked. Don’t worry – after saying “no”, you can go back and rock the encore anyway.

Hardest Achievement: Cryin’ (25 pts.) Earn a 600 note streak in Co-op (Local or Xbox LIVE) – Huge note streaks are tough, even if you’re jamming on an easier difficulty. It’s so easy to screw up once, which is all it takes to kill your rockin’ roll. With a friend – or random online chump – nailing the 600 mark is tough stuff, especially since the run ends when either of you messes it up. It’s crazy-frustrating, but at least you can put the blame on someone else when you over-strum.

Time Investment vs. Payoff: 6 (out of ten) – You’re set to pull in around 400 Gamerscore for killing off the single player career, perhaps more if you have badass gee-tar skills, and the stackable co-op/online versus Achievements make for a few, fun hours of unlocking. After that, it’s picking and choosing which of the leftovers you want to finish off over the next few, fun hours.

Overall: 8 (out of ten) – There are very few substantially difficult Achievements in Aerosmith, so simply dedicating the time to both offline and online modes is all you’ll need to finish off your checklist. Skilled players will be able to pull off the full 1000 after a bunch of buddy stacking online. The Achievement list feels like GH3’s, you know, except it’s possible to get them this time.

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